"Variations Sur Un Air Du Pays D'Oc" was lying on top of my end table when I was looking for clarinet music to practice this summer. I knew I had packed it, but I honestly didn't know much about it.

I played this for a high school contest when the only French I knew was, "bonjour" and "merci." I'm sure my French friends would have been appalled at my Anglicized pronunciation, which would have gone something like, "Vay-rie-ay-shuns suhr unn air doo payz dock." 

Now, having lived in France for several months, I knew that pays d'oc was referring to the region of France where Occitan, a dialect, is spoken. Toulouse, the city I was living in, belongs to this language group. 

After doing a bit of research, I learned that the composer, Louis Cahuzac, grew up less than two hours from Toulouse and attended the Toulouse conservatory. This piece was based off of a folk tune, Se Canto, originating in the valley of the Garonne (which is the river that runs through Toulouse). I never imagined that I would get so "close" to this music. 

How did this high school musician from Minot, ND end up as a 20-something Christian worker in Toulouse, France? God only knows. 

He knew long before I even learned to play a clarinet, that I would be called to serve in France. He knew I would become a part of a beautiful community where I could walk alongside and support nationals, learn French and even be given the opportunity to play in a French clarinet ensemble (with clarinetists and teachers from this very same conservatory). 

Already, the variations of my life that God has written astonish me. The timid girl who couldn't even raise her hand to use the bathroom became a high school student who loved performing. That young woman became a college student with three majors, who felt called to lead a team of five strangers playing music and doing relational ministry in the US and South America after she graduated. That fledgling leader got broken of entitlement during a 15-month period of underemployment, started a couple ministries with help from friends, organized some renegade trips to serve in Ecuador and China while working full-time and then left it all to move to France. 

Now, in my last years of my 20s, I am off to Berlin to tell the stories of what God is doing as Christians unite to seek the welfare of the city. Do I know what this next variation will bring? Not completely. But I know that God writes some incredibly beautiful symphonies out of our brokenness and weaknesses and that His plans are much more extensive and trustworthy than mine. 

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" – Jeremiah 29:11

Open caskets terrify me. The first one I ever saw was at the funeral of a toddler I babysat for who died suddenly of meningitis. The two-year-old lying in the coffin looked a small child sleeping from a far. When I came closer though, I could see the pasty make-up covering the lifeless face. The bed-jumping, song-singing, wiggling little boy was gone. 

The second open casket was the visitation before my grandma's funeral. But it wasn't my grandma I visited. I visited a body, wearing my grandma's clothes, made to look as though she was alive. I don't know what it was about the corpse, but none of us in the family felt like it was her. Maybe it was that she wasn't wearing her glasses. Maybe it was that death had taken the puffiness out of her cheeks. Whatever it was, in that moment, I knew that, while my grandmother's body was still on earth, her spirit had departed. She would never hug me or squeeze my hand like the last time I had seen her alive. 

Are you looking alive or fully alive? This was a question posed by pastor and author Alan Kraft at the ReachGlobal Europe conference I attended in Slovenia last month. "Look alive!" is a "cheer" sometimes heard from the stands when the home team is being crushed by the opponent. Often times, ministry teams have the same attitude when morale is down. It's as if by staying busy, we think we can convince ourselves and those around us, that we're doing okay. 

However, just as no beautician can fully disguise death, no amount of trying, no amount of good works, no amount of good intentions, can make us fully alive in Christ. In fact, by trying harder, we are putting our confidence in our own ability, in our own flesh and effort, instead of the finished work of Jesus Christ through his death and resurrection. We are in essence believing that we can somehow make ourselves more acceptable to God. 

Take a look at The Message paraphrase of Paul's letter to the Philippians, chapter 3:2-9 (emphasis mine): 

"Steer clear of the barking dogs, those religious busybodies, all bark and no bite. All they’re interested in is appearances -- knife-happy circumcisers, I call them. The real believers are the ones the Spirit of God leads to work away at this ministry, filling the air with Christ’s praise as we do it. We couldn’t carry this off by our own efforts, and we know it -- even though we can list what many might think are impressive credentials. You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God’s law; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting the church; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God’s law Book.

The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ--God’s righteousness."

Paul had ever reason to put confidence in his credentials. Yet he considers it all "dog dung" (some might choose an even more "choice" word). Why? Because God's righteousness is so much better. If this were a blind taste test, brand A has nothing on the surpassing flavor of brand B. There is no competition.

All of us at the conference were given a sheet of toilet paper. We were told to write anything and everything on it that was giving us a false sense of spiritual health. We wrote down the behaviors, beliefs and attitudes that we had embraced in our efforts to make sure God still loved us. The next time we had the urge "to go," we were to let our list go with it, down the tubes of the toilet.

It's one thing to flush our own righteousness, but how do we even begin to "embrace Christ and be embraced by him?" In case you are already overwhelmed by the length of this blog post, reflections this answer will come in part two. In the meantime, I urge you to make your own TP list. What are you doing to look alive? 

We had a meeting for our French association in France last week in Marseille. It was fun to meet and interact with other workers stationed in Marseille and Lyon. Here are a few pictures from our day there:

It was annual team retreat time last weekend. Our whole team along with a couple volunteers headed out to the French countryside to learn from each other, determine our thematic goal for the next year and just enjoy each others company. 

**A brief language point**: There isn't a precise French word for retreat. According to my French teacher, "a calm place in the countryside" is the complete phrase needed to describe a retreat. If you said, "Je vais à la retraite," you would actually be saying that you were going to retire :). 

One theme that came up again and again was contextualization. Missionaries have sometimes gotten a bad reputation for forcing their ways of doing things on the indigenous people of a culture. 

Here in France, we don't want to merely import the traditions of our home cultures or, in the case of a church plant, coerce the French into worshipping our way. Our message (the Gospel) doesn't change, but the way we share it changes with the context (in our case, French culture). 

McDonalds has been very successful in France and is a great example of contextualization. While the trademarks of McDonalds (like fast service, economical prices, etc.) haven't changed, the restaurant chain has changed parts of its menu and advertising to fit the culture. 

In the advertisement above, you might notice that the sandwich is served on a baguette instead of a bun and that there is a menu called "le casse croute" (a tradition of the French of sharing a snack or small meal together). These small things have helped McDonalds make its successful entry into French culture.

One of the ways that we practice contextualization here in France is by serving our city through our French association called Connect. Social justice and community are important cultural values and one way that we can show Christ's love in tangible ways. By connecting with people through serving, hosting events and sharing meals, we can provide a picture of the Christian life that makes sense to the people here.

Our retreat wasn't only just serious sessions and goal setting. Check out the photo album to see our team having a little fun.

I was commissioned at my church (Salem) on Feb. 10 and 17 before my departure to France on Feb. 18. If you missed the service, here is a video recording of my commissioning. It was so meaningful for me to be able to be commissioned at all three services and at both campuses. As I am getting started in ministry here, it is so wonderful to know that I have many people praying back home.

I made an acronym that spells "FRANCE" for the ways that can be praying for me. 

Focus on Christ
Rejoice always
Abide in Him
Notice opportunities
Cast burdens
Expect the harvest

You can download my prayer acronym (complete with Bible verses) at the bottom of this page. 

Thank you for everyone who was praying for my visa! I received it LAST Friday, just days after I applied at the Consulate (it usually takes two weeks or more to process). Praise God!

I was elated to get it in the mail so quickly and not have to worry about changing my flights. Since then the anticipation of going to France has been building.

My church Salem is commissioning me during the worship services tomorrow (Feb. 10) and next Sunday (Feb. 17). Details are listed at the bottom of this post.

After the 10:30 a.m. service on Feb. 18, there will be a gratitude gathering of crepes in the fellowship hall. I hope you can join in sending me at one of these three events.

I went to the French consulate in Chicago for my visa appointment on Monday. The days leading up to my appointment were filled with the stress of tracking down letters from France, having my parents mail a letter that got sent to their address, getting documents notarized, buying a prepaid Express mail envelope, making copies and putting everything I might possibly need in a huge accordion file. It was just a little bit stressful (well, that might be an understatement).

My appointment ended up being only about 10 minutes long. I turned in my papers, answered some questions, had digital fingerprints done, paid taxes and an application fee and had my picture taken. Now, I am just waiting for my visa to come. Thank you for all of you who were praying and please continue to pray that my visa would be processed quickly!

Even though I was on a "business" trip, I got to have some fun along the way, visiting friends in Chicago and Minneapolis.

Here are some photo highlights:

I have been blogging about singleness for the past couple years, so I this would be a good place to start.

Singleness is one thing I have really had to come to terms with in this journey to France. Weddings tend to be idolized in American culture, and people often assume that marriage is a logical next step after graduating college.

I didn't start dating until after college, and although I have had prospects and even been proposed to (over the phone...how many people can claim this?), I soon realized that, unlike previous life milestones, finding a mate was not something that I could achieve on my own.

Surrendering my singleness has been a slow process. The last four years have been filled with five engaged roommates, and the weddings of many dear friends. I have worn three bridesmaid dresses and caught two bouquets. I have laughed, cried, rejoiced and stayed up to all hours of the night talking to my single and not-so-single friends.

Singleness is a blessing not a curse. In my post-college single years, I've gotten to travel the world, seeing (and often serving) in nine countries and 43 states. I've had six incredible roommates. I had the privilege of co-founding a 20-somethings ministry at my church and founding a ministry that gives music lessons to refugees (T.I.E.). I have also served with children's, college and worship ministries, worked as a writer at my alma mater Concordia College and taught piano lessons. This journey, although not what I would have planned, has been far more amazing than I ever could have imagined.

And now I am going to France. While I am not going because I am single (I could go if I was married or had a family), I know that there is beauty in being available to do and to go wherever God has called me to.